Not Worth It
by Forevertwilight05
Summary: This is a rewrite of the scene in Eclipse when Bella tries to get Edward to make love to her for the first time. Bella takes a different approach to the rejection.Still In Character. Slight Angst.
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: Okay so I thought this up late last night. It just came to me and I wrote it down. I had planned to delete because I was simply playing around with the scene because normally I'm not for any conflict but I thought what the heck it's pretty good and decided to post it up. It's I guess you can say a remake of the whole situation in Eclipse in the Compromise chapter when Bella tries to get Edward to make love to her for the first time. The italicized beginning is kind of a recap and the rest is what I rewrote. I think it's pretty good so please give it a try. Hope you enjoy! ;D**_

_**P.S: Don't worry if you don't like it, much stuff like this probably won't be coming from me…I was just busy thinking about these two and yea…LOL (I'm usually a conflict free kind of girl when it comes to them, as you can see in my other stories.) :)**_

_**Disclaimer: None of these fantastic awesome characters belong to me. All to the great SM :)**_

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"_Tell me what you want, and you can have it" Edward said._

_I couldn't believe how awkward and idiotic I felt. I was too innocent- which was, of course, central to the discussion. I didn't have the faintest idea how to be seductive. I would just have to settle for flushed and self- conscious. _

"_You", I mumbled almost incoherently. _

"_I'm yours." He smiled, still oblivious trying to hold my gaze as I looked away again. _

_I took a deep breath and shifted forward so that I was kneeling on the bed. Then I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him. He kissed me back, bewildered but willing. His lips were gentle against mine, and I could tell his mind was elsewhere-trying to figure out what was on my mind. I decided he needed a hint._

_My hands were slightly shaky as I unlocked my arms from around his neck. My fingers slid down his neck to the collar of his shirt. The trembling didn't help much as I tried to hurry to undo the buttons before he stopped me. His lips froze, and I could almost hear the click in his head as he put together my words and my actions._

_He pushed me away at once, his face heavily disapproving. "Be reasonable, Bella" _

"_You promised-whatever I wanted," I reminded him without hope. "We're not having this discussion." He glared at me while he refastened the two buttons I'd managed to open. _

_My teeth clamped together. "I say we are," I growled. I moved my hands to my blouse and yanked open the top button. He grabbed my wrists and pinned them to my sides. "I say we're not," he said flatly. We glowered at each other. "You wanted to know," I pointed out. I thought it would be something faintly realistic." "So you can ask for any stupid, ridiculous think you want- like getting married- but I'm not allowed to even discuss what I –"_

_While I was ranting, he pulled my hands together to restrain them in just one of his, and put his other hand over my mouth._

"_No." His face was hard. Rejection washed through me_.

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Edward slowly removed his hand from my mouth and tried to lift my head so that he could examine my face. I pushed his hand away roughly using all of my strength, which he probably didn't realize. I made an attempt to jump off the bed, but not before seeing the pained expression on his face, before he grabbed hold of me. I wanted to go leave and go home. "Let me go Edward!" I yelled, tears running down my face and blocking my vision as I tried helplessly to struggle from his grip. "Bella you know that I want you too, I jus…." He said frantically.

"NO YOU DON'T!" I yelled, interrupting him, continuing to try and break free from his iron grip. "Bella I can't" he said, it coming out more like a broken sob as his hands released me, dropping against the bed. He was looking away from me as if he would be crying if he could. He looked torn and defeated. "I can't" he whispered again, shaking his head, his face looked twisted in agony and hurt.

I swallowed hard against the lump in my throat that had formed from my crying. All of a sudden a sound escaped his lips, similar to the dry sobs from that day in the ballet studio, after I had been attacked by James. My anger immediately faded and I quickly crushed myself to him wrapping my arms around him and crying into his chest. How could I be so selfish, I knew how difficult it was for him to be with me like this now. I couldn't take away the image of his broken face. I felt his arms wrap around me as he buried his face into my hair. Over and over he murmured into my hair nearly crying "I'm sorry" "I'm sorry I can't, I wish…" But I cut him off pulling away and drying my face so that I could see him clearly.

"No Edward I just overreacted…it's just that I want this so badly with you and well it's hard to believe that you could want me the same way I mean…" I trailed off, taking and lifting my hand to gesture between us, and looking away, no longer able to look at his face anymore.

"Bella, you have no idea how much I want you, it's unbearable" he said firmly grabbing my face in his hands forcing me to look at him. "I just can't risk your life because of it…its still hard for me now, and you know I can't live without you" He said his voice becoming quieter at the last part.

I wanted to believe him I did but how could I believe it. "Bella…" he began hesitant; he looked in my eyes then continued. "Bella its one of the selfish reasons I look forward to your change, so that I can be with you that way…do you really think I would give into my own selfish needs like just to risk your life?" "I...I couldn't live with myself if I…." he couldn't continue and his face looked pained again, as he looked away from me, unable to continue.

"Edward" I said bringing my hand up to his face, waiting for him to look at me. He didn't at first, but then he finally did with wary sad eyes. "I understand, I do…its me who was being selfish, you are trying, I know and it's a big sacrifice you're giving to be with me and..." He opened his mouth to object so I immediately corrected myself.

"It's a big sacrifice we're both giving" I quickly amended. He closed his mouth again waiting for me to continue. "And I know you're right" I said looking away, hating to admit it. A small smile pulled up at the corner of his mouth when I said that.

"This right here is enough…for now" I said bringing my lips to his. He immediately kissed me back his lips moving hard and urgently against mine. I could hear both our breathing. This kiss was very different, more than he had ever allowed.

I reluctantly had to pull away in order to breath. When I did I thought of something I wanted to ask him. "Edward?" I said still breathless from our kiss. "Yes?" he asked his breathing not regular yet either.

"Are you sure it will be better…or the same once I'm changed? I mean have you talked to anyone about it? I know it will be safer but…" I trailed off sure he got the point I was trying to make.

His brow furrowed a bit as he considered what I said. "Well…actually I only asked about your safety…when I spoke with Carlisle" he said hesitant to admit the last part as his darted to look at me. "Oh" was all I said. "But I can talk to him about it" he quickly added.

"Okay" I said giving him a smile. "Love, you should sleep now, it's late" he said bringing me to lie against the pillow and under the covers. He got on top of them and wrapped his arms around me, and I closed my eyes and let out a sigh. "Good night my love" he said kissing my forehead. "Goodnight" I said back, not opening my eyes. "Edward?" I called him again, opening my eyes now.

"Yes love?" he said kissing my forehead again. "I love you…and I'm sorry…about tonight" I said, still feeling guilty. "I love you too, and there's nothing to apologize for" I could hear the smile in his voice. "Okay" I said closing my eyes again.

He began humming my lullaby and I drifted off into a peaceful sleep, alone in Edward's arms……….

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_A/N: Okay well there you go….I didn't put the end because that is totally up to you guys. I was actually going to end it here but I actually had some more pretty great ideas which is why it has the rating it has. There could be more chapters only if I get the reviews asking for it. Seriously this time with this particular story, since I don't usually write like this, for me to write more I need people to review and tell me so; you don't have to say much. I just really wanna know what you thought and what you want. If not THE END…it's up to you guys so please review either way. I'm thinking at least 10 reviews will be encouragement enough. It actually killed me not putting the end to this, not knowing if it is or not because I usually always put that for my stories LOL. Well hope to hear what from you guys! ;D_

_**P.S:**__ As review encouragement there was going to be some pretty interesting words exchanged and conversations on a certain topic…and something… as I said might have happened….between our Edward and Bella if you know what I mean…but that's all I can say and give away. ;)_


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Yay and wow I can't believe you guys like the story so much!!! You won't believe how happy and excited I was about all the reviews!!! Okay so I would like to dedicate this continuation to my girl "****TwilightLover1718" ****who has stuck with all my stories and her reviews always make me smile and encourage me. Thanks again. And I also wanna give a shot out to ****rikish10 ****for****the wonderful review she gave. Thanks to everyone I have never received so many reviews for one chapter! I hope you enjoy this next one I made it extra long and thanks again! ;D**

**P.S: Thanks Hannah for the suggestions ;D**

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The next morning I woke up with Edward's arm still wrapped tightly around me. At first I was a little disoriented as I looked around the room, realizing where I was and all the memories of last night came flooding back to me.

"Morning, love how did you sleep?" I heard his velvet voice ask. I rubbed my eyes, which still felt swollen from my crying. "Mmmm, it was good" I said turning in his arms to face him. He loosened his hold around me and our faces were inches apart. I noticed he had a concerned look on his face.

"What's wrong?" I asked reaching to smooth the crease in his forehead with my fingers. "Nothing" he said giving me a not so convincing smile. "You just didn't move or say much in your sleep last night" he explained.

"I had a wonderful sleep, especially with you with me" I said trying to take away his worry. "Maybe the bed was too comfortable, plus we had a long night so I was probably knocked out solid" I continued attempting to joke, trying to lighten his mood. He gave me another smile, but it didn't meet his eyes.

"Don't worry" I whispered to him stroking his face, the guilt still washed over me, from my outburst last night. He leaned into my touch and I looked down at his lips, I wanted badly to kiss him but I remembered my morning breath.

"Umm…I need a human moment" I said smiling shyly. He kissed my forehead and I climbed out of bed. "I'll be here waiting for you, when you come back" he told me, his smile genuine. I smiled back at him glad that he seemed to be feeling better about whatever was bothering him.

I grabbed my overnight bathroom bag and headed to his massive bathroom.

**

When I returned he was still waiting on the bed for me. I quickly climbed back in and kissed him. Something still looked as if it was bothering him.

"What is it Edward?" I asked, bringing my hand to his face. His eyes met mine briefly and he opened his mouth, looking as if he wanted to say something, but deciding against it. "What is it?" I encouraged softly, my hand still stroking his face.

"Well…" he began. He looked at my face again studying it then continued. "I thought about what you said last night and I am going to talk to Carlisle about it this evening when he returns" he explained.

I nodded and smiled at him, he looked like he still had more to say, so I waited for him to continue. He sighed and began trailing kisses down my neck. "Bella what do you truly want?" he asked against my neck suddenly.

"What?!" I asked, my thoughts clouded by his lips moving against my skin.

"What do you truly want?" he asked again, his lips freezing against my neck, as he brought his head back up to look at my face.

"You know what I want" I said looking away from his gaze, not wanting to go through the same events from last night again.

He sighed again before speaking. "I know that but tell me what it is you want" he said placing his hand under my chin and tilting my head towards him.

"Well I you know I want you to change me and I want…to try while I'm…still human" I said mumbling the last part. He scrutinized my face for a while as he seemed to be considering something.

He nodded his head and then leaned down to kiss me. He continuing kissing me for a while until we both heard my stomach growl. I pouted at the lost of his lips and he chuckled and scooped me up in his arms.

"It's time for the human to eat" he said taking me down stairs to the kitchen.

*****

He dropped me off at my house that evening before his family arrived. He probably knew I didn't want to be there for his conversation with Carlisle. I was a little nervous about the conversation he was about to have with Carlisle, I could tell he was too. We both sat in the car silent for a while. I didn't want to get out and leave. "So I'll see you later" I said turning to face him. "Of course" he said smiling and bringing his lips to mine. "I'll see you in a couple of hours" he told me, pressing his lips to mine again.

When our kiss ended I reluctantly opened the car door and stepped out. I made no move to leave until he drove off. When he did I missed him already.

When I went in the house I greeted Charlie and he asked me did Alice and I have a lot of fun. I lied and told him we did and went up to my room.

I sighed when I got there and pulled out some homework, trying to work on it to pass the time. I needed something to do until Edward came.

****

Edward finally came through my window about an hour in a half later. He moved to sit on my bed and I put my homework away and joined him. We were both silent for a while. "So how did it go" I finally asked quietly.

"Carlisle's not quite sure of the difference of the experience after the change, there has never a case like ours" he told me not looking at me. "He is sure that it will be safer though, because you will be less breakable and there won't be …a risk" he added looking at me now.

I wasn't really satisfied with his answers, I still felt disappointed. "Edward…" I started not looking at his face. I could feel his eyes still on me. He was silent as he waited for me to continue. "I won't be the same when I'm less breakable" I said trying to keep my voice soft and reasonable.

"You'll still be Bella" he promised, "We just have to be patient" he murmured.

"I meant physically, I'll be a newborn and all I will want is blood. I'll always be thirsty more than anything else, so I will be different"

He was quiet, so I continued. "Physically…right now all I want is you…this" I said leaning in to kiss him. He kissed me back his mouth gentle against mine, I moved to his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck, and then I moved them to his hair.

"Bella" he breathed finally pulling away. "I could kill you" he said his face looking pained again. "I'm not sure if I'd be able to control myself" he said his voice tight.

"Edward I know you can, you won't hurt me, you have so much control now…and it doesn't seem as hard for you to be with me like this now" I explained to him. "All that I'm asking is that we try…if it doesn't work out then it's okay, we can wait. I just...want to try" I pleaded with him softly, holding his hand in both of mine. He was quiet for a while, not saying anything.

"Out of all the things I've wanted to give you this is what you truly want" he said quietly more to himself, it sounded more like a statement then a question. I shook my head yes, beginning to feel slightly hopeful. He looked up at me studying my face.

"Are you willing to compromise?" He asked raising his eye brow at me. I considered his words then realized I would settle for whatever he had in mind as long as we could try.

"Yes" I whispered to him, staring into his eyes, which were burning into mine.

He got up from the bed and I looked up at him confused. I gasped when I saw what he did next. He got down on one knee and pulled out a little black box. "Will you marry Isabella Marie Swan? I promise to love you everyday of forever and we will try after the wedding ….and I will change you, after you marry me first" he clarified. He was hesitant saying the last part, about my change.

All I could do was stare down at him. I realized that I needed to say something, my mind felt black. I stood up and a wounded expression crossed his face. "Yes I will marry you" I whispered, my voice barely coming out. He gave me a victorious grin and kissed each of my hands before coming up to kiss my lips.

" I love you" he whispered against my lips. "I love you too…forever" I whispered back. I couldn't believe that I'd just agreed to marry him. I felt slightly frightened about it especially when I thought about Renee and Charlie, I didn't look forward to telling them. I was also worried about what people would think, but he had just agreed that we would try and that he would change me.

I still felt slightly disappointed because I wanted to try now and would have to wait, but Edward had probably did this on purpose because he knew it would speed things up.

"Do you want to see the ring?" he murmured against my ear breaking me from my thoughts. I swallowed and shook my head yes, giving him a small smile so as to not hurt his feelings. He brought us to sit on the bed and he handed me the small box. "You didn't spend too much did you?" I asked worried.

"Nope nothing at all" he assured me smiling. I felt slightly better and I looked back at the box, taking a deep breath as I hesitantly opened the lid.

Nestled inside was a long oval shaped ring, with slanting rows of glittering round stones. The band was gold, delicate and narrow. I stared down at it, surprised at how beautiful it was.

"This is the ring my father gave to my mother" he said quietly. I looked over at him, and his eyes were brimming with emotion as he stared down at the ring too.

I turned back to the ring and stroked the shimmering gems of Elizabeth Masen's ring.

"See if it fits" he suddenly said. I bit my lip and hesitantly reached to take the ring from the box, but he beat me to it. I reluctantly held out my left hand to him and he slipped the ring on my finger.

"A perfect fit" he murmured, his voice full of emotion. When I looked at him he gave me a smile, and then lifted my hand up his mouth, kissing each finger, then finally the ring.

When he released my hand I wiggled my fingers looked down at the ring again. I carefully slid it off my finger, placing it back in the box. "I don't think I'm ready to tell Charlie and Renee yet" I told him in a quiet voice, closing it then handing it too him.

"That's okay, we can when you're ready" he assured me taking the box from my hand, and kissing me softly on the lips.

We were both quiet for a while. "So about the 'wedding'" I began nervously.

"We'll talk about it later" he said chuckling lightly at my nervousness. "It's late" he murmured as he scooped me up in his arm, and pulled down the covers.

"Now get some sleep love" he said wrapping the cover around me, and cutting out the light

"Edward?" I called him in the darkness.

"Yes love?" he replied back, moving to lay beside me in the bed. I could hear the smile in his voice.

"Had you already planned all this?" I asked him, turning so that I was facing him. He was quiet for a while, and then instead of answering my question he brought his lips to mine, in a painfully passionate kiss. When our kiss broke I was breathless. I decided to take advantage of the moment and his evident high spirits.

"Edward I was thinking" I began wiggling out of the covers and climbing on top of him, so that I was straddling him.

"What were you thinking?" he asked, I could hear the caution and curiosity in his voice, as he sat up slightly.

"I know we agreed to wait until after the wedding to try but…I was thinking that maybe we should practice…to be more safe and prepared" I said trying to make my voice sounded firm and serious. "That way we'll know what to expect, it will be less of a risk, and…it might help your control better" I said smiling now, as I leaned down to kiss alongside his jaw.

He sighed. "Bella!" he said in a warning to tone, grabbing my face. I thought he was going to pull me away but instead he brought my face to his and crushed his lips to mine. …..

~ The End ~

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_A/N: Okay so sadly yes, this story ends here I hoped you guys liked the last chapter. Sorry it was all overall so short but it was kind of I guess meant to be a one shot…..but the thing is *Wink*. It can kind of act as an introduction to possibly another story. You see without giving away too much…which it probably is. LOL The ending kind of tells what the next story could be about. The next story wouldn't pick up from here but it can tell you how they got to that point or you can just keep in mind how they will get to that point from the book. I think it will be fun…..so I hope you guys will check it out when it's up. I've actually had the idea for it for a while. So please Review they will give me the needed encouragement to get started on the story since no work is in progress and I'm still not completely sure about it at the So it depends on you guys again. Plus I seriously wanna know what you guys think about the follow up chapter. Again I had never gotten so many reviews for one chapter in my life and there wasn't even a lemon in it LOL. _

_That's all for now…Review Plz and feel free to PM me if you want! ;D _


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